I am going to expose myself a little bit because for the past couple of days, actually ever since I wrote my last post, I have been feeling troubled.

Of course no one has the right answer and it is all up to you to paint your future, and walk your own path, but what if I cant find the colours and I only see rocks scattered in the grass.

Who ever saw that picture is probably really confused and doesnt understand how a person could feel that way, but when I saw that picture, all I though was... you might as well photoshop my face onto that girls body.

Well I am in a relationship, and as sad as it might sound, this is my longest, and for that matter probably my first real relationship.  Last night I told my best friend to let go and let herself be capable of loving an individual, because quite frankly this guy really likes her. She doesnt want to believe it.

What no one understands is that I am so capable of having crushes and liking people but I dont actually ever fall in love. I am scared of it, and I know im young and still have dreams ahead of me, but why is it that this perfectly decent guy is head over heels for me and I cant just cant find myself just letting go and having fun with him.

Its funny because this post completely contradicts my last post, but I am very set on changing my moods and emotions in a matter of minutes. I also have to come to terms with the fact that since I wrote my last post alot of things have happened between Karl and I. Things that might of been more appropriate for people going out for several months. We have been moving really fast and this is my biggest fear. Yes he is younger and yes he is unexperienced, so what if he only sees me as an opportunity or better yet a fuck buddy. At this point in time I will never know the truth and its not like I will be asking him any time soon, so what am I doing?

Do I let it go, and pretend that nothing is bothering me, or do I confront him and possible ruin my chances.

What if he only lies to my face and agrees that he is falling for me, and stupid me will believe him, and thinking this guy is completely head over heels for me, give up just about anything.
How do I distinguish between right and wrong, or fake and real?

My friend has experienced about the same situation as I, where as a matter of fact, our boyfriends were friends and we met them at the same time, but her relationship was progressing really fast on the physical part and not so much the emotional stability, so he ended it. He believed they werent going out enough but at the same time she was keeping him away from him friends, lets just say to this day she is a little confused but kind of releaved. Well I talk to her alot about my problems and she suggested to just let it go and enjoy my time with Karl and stop thinking about it.

Thats the problem I cannot stop thinking about it. I think too much, about everything and everyone. I cant just let things go.

He lives down the street from me, but he is kept on a leash by his parents, and we practically never see each other, and when we do, we dont exactly talk. It doenst really bother me because I love kissing him and such, and we do talk on the phone until like three o clock in the morning. But I am still second guessing and wondering. Should it be this way? I understand there is no manual or anything on these types of things, but sometimes I wish there was.

Seriously I wish I wasnt feeling this way. I hate questioning my own actions.

Love Petra.  

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